Thursday, 6 June 2013

Finding Your Funny in 'Don't Lick the Minivan'


I’m back. Did ya miss me?

Here are my excuses for my terrible blogging etiquette:
  • Basketball
  • Soccer 
  • Work
  •  Feeding short humans
  • Avoiding laundry
  • Crushing Candies
  • Drinking Wine
Blah Blah Blah…I’m sorry. I will try and do better. Word of advice: don’t hold your breath until the end of June.

Lately I have been thinking about the things we say to our children at various stages of life. It occurred to me that if we were saying these things in a regular conversation with grown adults, we would more than likely be committed to an asylum for the mentally deranged.

Do you ever catch yourself saying stupid things to your kids? Zip it, I know you do.
Looking back over the years, some of my favorites have been:

"Finger painting on your wall with poop is yucky and not allowed"
"Please don’t pick your sisters nose"
"Can I please just pee by myself?"
"Please don't touch the dogs penis"
"I will give you $100 to just go the hell to sleep"

Now imagine these sentences directed to a co-worker, friend or partner?
See? Totally not appropriate. People would look at you like you were bat shit crazy.

Before I was a mom I could not have imagined these things flying out of my mouth in everyday life…and that they would actually seem normal and make sense. People say that ‘kids say the darnest things’. Yeah well, someone should write a book about what we say to our kids. Now that would be funny shit.

Wait for it…someone DID write a book about that and I had the honour and privilege to read an advance copy and tell the world how fabulous it is.

Leanne Shirtliffe is the one and only ‘Ironic Mom’ from the blog with the same name.
Ironicmom.com
And holy crap she wrote a book!! And it's really good!

I love you all so much…all you need to do is CLICK HERE to order! 

And now I’m telling the world YOU NEED TO GO BUY IT! Like right now. Put down the glass of wine and go buy it. Ok, finish reading this blog first and then go.

Leanne and I are actually gonna be BFF’s, but like so many people I stalk admire and look up to, she just doesn’t know it yet.

But we have SOOOOO much in common.
  1. Leanne lives in Calgary
  2. Leanne has twins
  3. Leanne has written a book
  4.  Leanne is funny.
  5. Leanne lived in Thailand where she birthed her small humans!

 Ok, so after writing my ‘Leanne and I are exactly the same and should totally be best friends’ list,  I can see some discrepancies. I never lived in Thailand. Although as a new mom of twins it did feel like I was living in a foreign country for a good year, so that kinda counts.

Leanne is actually funny where most days it’s only me that thinks I’m funny. Whatever, the voices in my head laugh at my sarcastic wit so that kinda makes it the samesies.

Leanne has actually written and published a real life book. I am simply just to busy and most days feel that becoming a published author may suck the life out of me and it is currently sitting at number 801 on my to do list. But Leanne DID IT!

And she works full time teaching pubescent children important stuff like grammar. I live with only two teenagers and struggle teaching them how to put away an effin’ lunch kit. Leanne spends 40 freaking hours a week with hundreds of them. For the love of all that is good and holy someone get the women a glass bottle of wine!!
Or buy her book so she makes money and can buy her own wine.
Win-Win.

Don’t Lick the Minivan is full of laughs as Leanne brings her reader along her journey as a new mom of twins in a foreign country. She details her travels back to Canada as she settles into her life as mom and all the crazy that goes along with it.  Leanne tells it like it is and finds the funny in the not so funny.

And that my dear friends, is the only way to get through this parenting thing.
There is no secret potion. No magical wand. No newest and latest research.
Just find the funny and keep loving them. (Wine helps too)

Don’t Lick the Minivan is also full of real life parenting tips for the not-so-perfect moms.  That would be me by the way.
Here’s a taste from Leanne’s parenting tips:

Parenting tip: a regular routine of brushing and flossing is essential the three days before your children’s dental appointments if you want to appear to be a good parent.
Parenting tip: Some issues are worth taking a stand against. Be anti-glitter.
Parenting tip: as long as your child isn’t the worst in his class, he will succeed. if he is the worst, drink more wine.
Amen Sister!!
Leanne makes me feel like a better mom. See money already well spent when you buy the book. You're welcome! 
Don’t Like the Minivan also shares Leanne’s struggles with depression and anxiety and how she was able to once again find her own funny. I’ve said it before and I will say it again; parenting is the hardest job in the world and Leanne’s open and honest glimpse of climbing her mountain is real life stuff for real life moms.
But my favorite part of the book is the letters Leanne writes to her children scattered throughout.  Don’t tell anyone, but reading this mothers heart on a piece of paper actually made me shed tears. Being able to take a reader from requiring Depends to Kleenex in one chapter is pretty impressive if you ask me.

Find the funny with Leanne. Trust me, you won’t be sorry.

Leanne, I can’t wait till your twins are teenagers. Call me, we shall drink wine together. Or think of it all as awesome material for another book.

Xo J





5 comments:

  1. Yes Leanne's book is the BEST all parents should read it. LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it!!!!

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  2. Listen to Bruno Bettelheim and "the good enough parent". Relax a bit, and hopefully, enjoy.

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  3. Hey,

    As a mom, do you sometime blog about way to make some extra income to pay the bills?

    My wife is at home, taking care of my 2 kids. Once in a while, she was cleaning windows of the neighbour.

    This week, she showed me this blog : http://thescamreviewer.blogspot.ca/2013/06/get-cash-for-survey-scam-or-not.html

    Apparenlty you can make some extra money by working online for companies. Do you have any experience in that? If so, would you mind writing an article or something? Does it worth it, etc.

    Anyways hopefully you can help us.

    PS: i'll forward the book to my wife.

    Cheers

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  4. I don't have kids yet, but I always find myself saying the darnest things to my little cousins whenever I'm taking care of them. "Don't walk backwards down the stairs!" "Don't use the toilet brush to wipe the floor!" "Don't put glitter on the cupcakes!!" By the way, this is the first post I've read on your blog (hello fellow Canadian, mind you I'm Ottawa born and bred but still a fellow Ontarian) and I think you're plenty funny. Listen to the voices, they're your friends. ;) But you have definitely peaked my interest and I will certainly pick up that read- I think me and my mom could use some good laughs.

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  5. Both of you are hilarious! Indeed, wine is the elixir to the moms. And I am constantly surprised how being a mom, especially, a working mom has given more things to laugh about AND curse about! Cheers!

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