Monday, 11 February 2013

Creative Sex-Ed


Quinn greeted me excitedly upon my return home from work today. She was impatient to show me a ‘flashlight’ she had built for school, explaining they would be adding the electrical components in class tomorrow but she had been working very hard on the outside structure.

As she showed me her creation with pride beaming from her face, I looked around the room to see if anyone else was observing what I was.



Quinn had built a penis.

I lost it.
Log bad parenting moment #112023 as Quinn looked at me and wondered why I was laughing at her engineering brilliance. I just held the homemade penis in the air until the rest of the family clued into why I was snorting.

Eventually the light bulbs, or shall I say penis flashlights, came on for everyone else.

The situation quickly spiraled downhill as the girls in grade 7 who have taken formal sex education and clearly know EVERYTHING added to the conversation through their giggles.
After all, penises are funny.

Peyton: Well at least it still has it’s foreskin.
Me: Ummm, no it doesn’t. Quinn has actually built a perfectly circumcised penis.
Peyton: Oh. Gross. How do you tell the difference?
Me: Like this

Me: If a penis has the foreskin, which means it is uncircumcised, it’s wearing a turtleneck. If not, you have a mushroom.  Like Quinn’s circumcised flashlight penis.
Olivia: <insert hysterical laughter here>
Me: We should call it a flash-penis. Or a penis-light.

Dylan: Did you just imitate a penis?
Me: Indeed I did. Any questions girls?
Dylan: What is wrong with you? 

Whatever, I thought this was a very effective visual lesson.  And I was able to capitalize on my wardrobe choice for the day.
I OWNED sex-ed tonight.

Dylan: Can we please stop saying the word penis?
Me: Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

I am thrilled to tell you that Quinn has fixed the flashlight penis and I don’t have to face an uncomfortable conversation with the teacher as to why my daughter is building cardboard genitals in her free time. Plus, one can only imagine how awkward it would be to insert all those wires into a penis to make it light up.
This would NOT have been an A+ project.

Later in the evening, Quinn came to me asking for help finding her earphones she had lost. Wondering if they may have fallen somewhere in her room, I suggested that she take her penis and go look under her bed.

Dylan seems annoyed.

Xo J

8 comments:

  1. Ah yes, embarrassing science experiments, the backbone of school science classes.

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    Replies
    1. I know right?? Nothing like a teachable moment!!
      J

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  2. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you're on your way to becoming the heir apparent to Jenny Lawson, Jessica!

    "Later in the evening, Quinn came to me asking for help finding her earphones she had lost. Wondering if they may have fallen somewhere in her room, I suggested that she take her penis and go look under her bed."

    Brilliant!

    By the way, I know you're ridiculously busy, but I've sent you an e-mail. Whenever you're done taunting the kids, check it out let me know.

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    Replies
    1. I thought I was very helpful giving her solutions to her problem. After all, we can't fix everything for them or they never learn to problem solve on their own right?
      lol
      J

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  3. Hahaha...this had me laughing till I cried!

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    Replies
    1. I must admit...I laughed while being a penis and while writing about it.
      J

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  4. Freaking hilarious! It's not often, as a mother, you get such a perfect opportunity to educate AND laugh at the same time. I know my teenage sons hate when I bring up STI's and the term "drippy penis", especially in front of their friends, with no warning. ;)
    Kris M.

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    Replies
    1. It is now my goal to use the term 'drippy penis' in a sentence ASAP.
      J

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