Tuesday, 8 January 2013

The Hook


Are you on the edge of your seats? Have you been able to sleep? Relax…the time is here!!
Geesh, do you get this excited for my posts?
After reading Robert’s following letter of apology to his daughter for his many parenting faux pas, I can tell you this:
1)   My children are NEVER watching Glee again. I wouldn’t be able to handle such a question.
2)   I have never seen the movies Robert mentions and I have never stepped foot in a comic store...and I intend to keep it that way. Sarah, you are a good daughter.
3)   Although I bitch about my kids and have my eyes set on the prize of them moving out; I am not, nor will I ever be ready for the next stage of parenting.
4)   I have confirmed that teenage eye rolling is universal

Now without further delay…I introduce you to ‘The Hook’.

When Jessica first offered me the opportunity to guest post on her slice of cyber real estate, I was surprised - you can certainly understand why - but Jessica has proven herself to be extremely gracious and forgiving towards someone who tends to act before he thinks. My initial comments on this blog were born of a sense of concern for Jessica's children and to my eternal regret, feelings of great envy. I have been fighting for years to achieve that which Jessica has carved out for herself in a matter of weeks. But that was then. We've come a long way, haven't we, Jessica?
 
While I think her approach was brilliant, I know it wouldn't work for a father. If I went on strike, my household would probably run more efficiently than ever. Women are hardwired for parenthood, they have a God-given set of skills that allow them to always be quick on their feet and above all, to be sensitive to their family's needs.

I once bought my wife a toilet seat and a set of cupboard knobs for Mother's Day.

In my defense, the seat looked like an oyster shell and the knobs had flowers on them. Women love men who strive to improve the room they spend a great deal of their time in, right?

Don't answer that.

As for my approach to fatherhood, well it tends to follow suit. Here then, is my public apology to my fourteen-year-old daughter for the occasional parenting faux pas I've been responsible for.

I apologize for sidestepping questions like, "What's scissoring?" when we're watching Glee, by sending you to your mother - when she then sends you right back to me for an answer. I just needed the extra time to Google the definition... and to "water it down enough" to ensure you would accept it and not ask one of your friends instead.

Of course, there have been times that the direct approach hasn't exactly worked for me: when you asked me why Megan Fox was fired from the Transformers franchise I probably didn't need to recount the entire Holocaust. For those scratching their heads right now, Fox compared director Michael Bay to Hitler. At least it made for an interesting ride home from the movies, right?

Incidentally, I also have to apologize for dragging you to the last Transformers installment. I can still feel the weight of your glare as Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's scantily-clad form jiggled all over the screen. On the subject of movies, I admit the Green Lantern film was another cinematic mistake you can attribute to me. That was 114 minutes of bad judgment on my part, to be precise.

Just so you know, I'm making an honest effort to let your mother handle your laundry now; seven years of hearing about the wanton destruction of your favorite Strawberry Shortcake t-shirt has sunk in, I swear.

All those times I tried to be the "Cool Dad", only to fall slightly short? Please chalk those up to good intentions and my tendency to ignore your mother when she tells me "You're going to look like a huge dork! More than usual, if that's possible!"

Then there's the weekly trips to various comic book stores, which tend to be overrun by the, shall we say, socially-challenged members of our society? I swear, they mean well, honey. Personally, I've almost gotten used to that vacant look in your eyes as you scan the crowds at these stores (and the comic-cons I take you too), searching for a glimmer of normalcy, only to come up short. Every. Single. Time. As for your weekly query: "How did you ever get Mom to go out with you?" Well, if Mom ever gives me answer, I'll pass it along.

I know I've barely scratched the surface, but I'm going to launch a preemptive strike and discuss the future. As you get older and fully immerse yourself in teenage culture, you're going to see a change in dear ol' dad. To be frank, I'm going to go off the rails at times. Your mother and I have discussed this at length and we agreed that out of the two of us, I'm the best suited to play the crazy parent.

I'm sure you agree.

So when you bring home that first suitor, just ignore the baseball bat peeking out from behind the front door. Oh, and pay no attention to the shotgun that will suddenly be hanging above the mantle. That reminds me, we have to get a mantle.

I apologize for the times I'll have to play detective when you go out wearing slightly more make-up and upscale outfits, and go all CSI on your room. I promise to never read your diary. I'll let your mother take care of that.

The day you tell us you've found that special someone and you'll be walking down the aisle? Just give me a few minutes to myself. Being partly responsible for bringing such a perfect person into the world can really mess with a dad's head when he realizes he has to let go... a little bit, at least.

And that's as far into the future as I want to look, sweetheart. So the next time I mess up, and I will - I've already been responsible for two of the five eye rolls you've done as this post has been written - just remember that my mistakes spring from a place of love and respect. I'd admire you even if you weren't my daughter.

And yes, I realize that one is going to prompt another eye roll. What can I say? It's a gift.


Thank you Robert. A lot. Thank you for taking the time to write and share this on my blog. For your kindness (finally J) and our new bloggy friendship.
And for your honesty.
In regards to both your parenting and your words relating to our past.

What do you think folks?

xoJ

21 comments:

  1. Wait - who was responsible for the rest of the eyerolls, Hook?

    And wouldn't your daughter have figured out that you're both probably the crazy parent by now? (At least in her eyes?)

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    Replies
    1. I'm not sure how this works..should Hook respond or do i?
      Now I'm rolling my eyes in confusion.
      J

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  2. No doubt the kid has it all figured out, El Guapo (Remember she asked the guy who barely tipped her during take you daughter to work week with a "Hook Worthy" response.)
    Sooner or later she's gonna tell you you're a great dad, Hook....but don't expect it soon...someday.
    Hang in there dad.
    And Jessica - thanks for hosting Hook. Enjoyed touring your blog a bit, too!
    Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

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    Replies
    1. The pleasure was all mine:)
      Thanks for stopping by
      J

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  3. Hook,

    This post makes me glad that I have three sons and no daughters. Good luck with all the horny teenage boys that will be knocking on your front door in the near future.

    Twindaddy

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    Replies
    1. We have three daughters. My husband says with boys, you have to worry about one penis. With girls you have to worry about an entire city of them.
      Yikes.
      J

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    2. Dont you worry!!! they just think there iphones are a good idea!! we will be able to find them....and i have lotsa friends....Uncle Andrew

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  4. I no longer get eye rolls from my almost 20 yr old daughter - I just get them from my husband!

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    Replies
    1. I think Dylan rolls his eyes at me too, but he's smart enough to do it behind my back:)
      J

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  5. Scissoring and Glee--I didn't know it was an educational show. Never seen it myself. I'm trying to remember how often I rolled my eyes when I was a teen.

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    1. Not gonna lie...I had to google it.
      I was a perfect teen...no eye rolling here. :)
      J

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  6. Nice post Robert, but don't worry about being edgy again on Jessica's blog - that and her responses are fun to read too!!
    Caroline

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    Replies
    1. LOL! But know I also have the Hooks wife's permission to let loose on him. And by the sound of it..I wouldn't want to be the Hook in the dog house:)
      J

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  7. "Go all CSI in your room." Brilliant line. Wish I thought of it. As the mother of three girls, I've done it. Didn't come up with anything interesting except some latent fingerprints.

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    1. I don't want to even imagine what science experiments I would find in their rooms. But I am not, nor will I ever be above snooping...and they know it. Just doing my job...it's my house:)
      J

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  8. Gee, so that's what a father who actually sticks around for the day-to-day, heavy-lifting part of teen parenting looks like == thanks Robert for that glimpse. Don't get me wrong, I do have the world's best ex-husband but he only does the parent gig on weekends and vacations - - I get the day-to-day stuff (for which I am actually grateful because I think I'm doing a pretty good job) and sometimes I would almost kill for back up.
    Oh, Jessica, actually Glee is a wonderful treasury of teachable moments . . . watching it with my almost 15 year old has been a great way to discuss everything from bullying to teenage love to spousal abuse to gay sex (because, seriously, as Robert's post alludes to: if you don't talk to them, they'll get the info from other generally less reliable sources) to disabilities to almost everything else in the Cosmos. Plus, we have bonded over music and just how cute those boys are.

    It takes a Village (cyber or otherwise) to raise not only our kids, but also we as parents!

    Elizabeth

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    1. The almost 13 year olds have watched it. I have no problem discussing anything and everything with them. Oh to be a fly on the wall at our dinner table! Perhaps my answer is to watch it with them and if there are indeed cuties to look at...I am IN!
      J

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  9. I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award – congratulations! 

    http://dianegallagherphotos.wordpress.com/2013/01/09/the-versatile-blog-award-what-a-wonderful-surprise/

    I love your blog and you definitely deserve this award!

    Happy New Year!
    Diane

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    Replies
    1. Well...now I'm blushing. I have NO idea what this means..but I LOVE awards. Like really love any form of validation:)
      Thank you from the bottom of my bloggy heart. Where should I post my acceptance speech? Ooooh, what am I going to wear? :)
      J

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  10. >What do you think folks?

    - I KNEW he was in there somewhere. That ‘honey’ and ‘sweetheart’ spouting person. Hook’s all bark in his posts and I just KNEW he was not the sort to bite.

    >My initial comments on this blog were born of a sense of concern for Jessica's children

    - And don’t you love how he rants about people who don’t do things the way he would?

    >and to my eternal regret, feelings of great envy.

    - Ah, now how many people would admit something like this, eh?

    >I once bought my wife a toilet seat and a set of cupboard knobs for Mother's Day.

    - Pffft. *trying hard to keep a straight face* Um, how very thoughtful of you, Hook!

    >just remember that my mistakes spring from a place of love and respect.

    - We, kiddies, know that. We don’t want to admit we know it and heck, we’ll never thank our parents for it. But we KNOW it.

    Yet we act up and get all disgruntled because, you know? It is, um, like, fun! Good is good, but bad is better, know what I’m sayin’?

    Oh dear, I’m getting on your blacklist along with the Glee kids, aren’t I, Jessica?

    Bottom line: I am very happy that both of you managed to get past the war of words and are buds now. Not everyone can claim this lovely ending with a beginning to boot. Kudos to both of you for pulling it off!

    Best to you, Jessica, and catch you at the usual place, Hook. :-)

    Kate

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  11. thanks for share.

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