Friday, 5 October 2012

DAY FIVE



I am on the edge today. Prayers requested. Or booze.

Olivia woke up and announced “You STILL haven’t cleaned the kitchen, this is disgusting!!” Peyton asked “We didn’t clean the kitchen last night?” WE?? WE?? No dear WE didn’t clean the kitchen. They are mad as they want to have friends over this weekend and are too embarrassed. Really darlings? I was thinking about hosting a six course meal for all our friends. BYOB.

For those of you who were so proud of and impressed with Quinn last night. Don’t bother. Today alone she has left a bowl full of pancake mix and a tray of crescent rolls half cooked and half eaten on the counter. My leather chair is now decorated with stickers from the packaging of her new soccer shin pads. Nice touch if I do say so myself. It appears her newfound knowledge of the strike last night went in one ear and out the other. Guess there isn’t much in the way between her skull. She is Dylan’s kid today. I cannot believe I fell for her cute little dimples again. I believe she is the ring leader.

I now have a Maple Syrup can next to my Soya Sauce centerpiece. That’s ok. I like it. I have been meaning to incorporate more of an eclectic décor theme anyway. Sort of like Asian meets Canadian meets garbage dump. I think it may catch on. #maplesoyagarbagedecor

My house used to smell of Pinesol. Now there is an aroma of the two day old garlic dip sitting on the table. I’m not getting used to that part, but at least its masking the smell of the Great Dane blueberry and cookie farts.

There are oven mitts on my couch?? Someone will be at the ready if the remote control suddenly becomes hot to the touch.

I love any excuse to shop. I have decided I may have to get new dishes when this is all said and done. I’ve been browsing Bed Bath & Beyond picking out my new set as 5 day old Chinese food, cereal, salmon and maple syrup are going prove to be difficult to scrub clean.  The milk, cereal and ice cream are now in a solid state. I don’t know a lot about chemistry, but I am assuming this is not a good thing.

 I put my Iphone down on the counter today…I had to call it to find it.

I found a clean fork today. It was like I had won the freaking lottery.

My new nails are driving me crazy! I almost couldn’t get the wine open last night. I panicked. It wasn’t pretty.

I cleaned my en suite bathroom this morning. I filled each sink with hot water and excessive amounts of bleach and shut the door. Then I laid down in the middle of the bathroom and breathed deeply.  I could have had a nap. It was like heaven…I felt a little high, but heaven nonetheless.

The dogs look scared. They have been spending more time outside as of late. I can’t say I blame them. At least the weekly paid pooh pick up service has been doing there job. God bless you Calgary POOH BUSTERS.  I need to remember to ask them to leave me extra lunch bags.

I’ll admit I care a lot about what people think about my housekeeping skills. It’s like a pass/fail test of motherhood for me.  Before this strike I couldn’t have imagined a fate worse than death than to have someone stop by with my house less than perfect. I am now contemplating giving tours. Of course I will need to charge admission to cover the cost of the army of professional cleaners I am going to need. Be warned…there will be a waiver to sign before entry at your own risk. It truly is phenomenal.

I received a memo from my liver this morning that it will be going on strike next.

                                                    #maplesoyagarbagedecor

39 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh Jess, you are now becoming our dinner table devotions. We laughed hysterically tonight. Kailey says you are your mother. That's a compliment.I tried this once when my kids were small and didn't last 2 days. Good for you to keep going!!!

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    1. Thanks Sharon:) Tell Kailey that if she ever has kids I expect her too last longer than your two days!!
      xo J

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    1. Thank you....you made my super hero cape xtra big today!!

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  3. I love this so much. I can't even tell you. But I'm shocked that you're still cooking...I'm pretty sure if I ever strike (I've come close) that there will be no cooking involved.

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    1. Maybe I will just go on a cooking strike....

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  4. I'm dying laughing...only...not because it's funny so much as because I can completely commiserate. I'm a stay-at-home mom of three kids almost the same ages as yours (13, 12 and 10)...and though I stay home, I also homeschool and babysit (a 2-year-old and a newborn), and run a cake business out of my house...to say that my home becomes mass chaos when I fail to keep up with "my part" of the chores...would be a massive understatement. You are also my hero. I may make my kids subscribe to this blog. I can't wait to read more. Amazing.

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    1. It sounds to me like you have 4 full time jobs!! Trust me when I say leaving the house to go to work is way less work than being a stay at home mom! You are my hero.
      J

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  5. I'm sending you thoughts of a lovely Shiraz! <3

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    1. Shiraz thoughts received and much appreciated:)
      J

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  6. We are SO doing this next week...

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    1. Did you do it?? How did it go??? Please let me know!!
      J

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  7. This is soooo funny - stay strong.

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    1. Like regular strong or red wine strong? :)

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  8. Did you know that your blog is ridden as far as Finland? It was in the net news so I had to read for myself. My stike lasted about two days and it was just not for the children but for my husband also...
    I really admire your couridge.

    Katja from Finland

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  9. I meant read not ridden...
    Pardon mu english...

    katja

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    1. I think your english is great and I appreciate the time you took to comment in English!!
      Thank you!
      J

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  10. This is great and I hope they will remember you can go back on strike. Thank's for your blog.

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    1. If I don't strike I can always just threaten for the media to come in:)
      J

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  11. Hi, moms! How inspiring is Jessica?! Are you tired of cleaning up after your families? Our show is looking for moms who want to go on strike THIS WEEKEND! We'd love to hear from you.
    Please email us asap: Talkshow.losangeles@gmail.com
    Thank you!!

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  12. Oh my word, I laughed until I cried. HYSTERICAL!

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    1. Thank you!!! I pee my pants when I laugh too hard. Yup...I do.
      J

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  13. More tears. I feel the need to send you wine to thank you for all this laughter.

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    1. Think of the laughter as a gift!! But next time you have a glass of wine, lift your glass and send me a virtual "cheers".
      J

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  14. Dear Jessica,

    I've threatened to strike but it never worked. Now, as my family prepares to relocate, we have to sell our house and my wonderful helpful husband will be living apart from us. That means that I will have to be the one to clean up the socks, the dishes, etc. I think I will show this blog to my kids to show that a mom on strike can work out for the best. I told my daughter, 15, the other day: if we go house hunting, and you went into a bedroom that looked (and smelled) like yours, would you want to live there? She looked at me blankly. Mrs. Stillwell, I think I may take up your cue and just start drinking. It's going to be a rough six months. You have just signed on a new devoted follower.

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    1. Selling/showing a house is a nightmare!!! I feel for you! If you ever need to chat feel free to message me and we can raise a glass together!
      J

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  15. Congratulations from Toronto
    I raised a daughter on my own and she hated housework, so we divided tasks, she did the errands and her room and I did the rest. She also helped out with the laundry. It worked really well, now she is an adult (20 y/old), very independent student and fights her boyfriend for his mes!!!

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    1. I want to congratulate you!! I bow down to any single parent and it sounds like you have done the job very well! Thanks for sharing!
      J

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  16. "I found a clean fork today. It was like I had won the freaking lottery."

    This line alone has made me laugh, and laugh, and laugh. I think because I can relate so much and I'm not even on strike...yet.

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    1. I actually squealed out loud when I found the fork! Crazy right? It's was the small victories that kept me going:)
      J

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  17. "I am now contemplating giving tours" ! ha ha ha ha! your writing is hilarious, let alone your courage! Sending you all my love from Greece!

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    1. Thank you!! Greece...unreal! It is amazing how far this little blog has traveled! Thank you for your compliments!!
      J

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  18. The oven mitts is my favorite part. Ha!

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  19. Jessica -

    I truly loved this post from "Day 5" from your "Mom Strike". It's very funny and very true.

    Any suggestions how to handle a revolt with a 4 year old & 6 year old? My son (4) is working with a new motto, "It's kids' choice!" He wants to do what he WANTS when he wants. It's unbelievably frustrating. I have always given my kids a choice, for example: "Juice or milk?" or "play outside or play inside?" I thought I was letting them feel in control of their life. Well, now it has backfired. He WANTS what he WANTS. Ugh, I have created a little monster.

    My daughter (6) 'usually' does what I ask of her, 'first-child pleaser'. But recently she has jumped onto the "Kids' choice" bandwagon.

    Today, I decided I'm only going to do what I want, since WE are all getting our own choice. I didn't want to cook those little monsters dinner. Of course they got inventive and made their own meal (working together): sandwiches, raisins, freeze dried yogurt and juice. They proceeded to eat their meal outside on the patio, because that’s what they wanted. I enjoyed my chicken salad at the kitchen table (without the flies dive-bombing my food).

    Tomorrow, I don’t think I’ll feel like making breakfast. I think they will both be surprised to see the watermelon from yesterday’s afternoon snack. I pray the ants will not find their way into the house, although it would make a bigger impact.

    I hope they will learn some lesson. There are things parents ‘have to do’ because we have to; we would much rather do something else.

    Too bad the laundry has been done for the week.

    After dinner, while the kids ate and played outside I had time to myself. I took the quite time to file, clean and paint my fingernails; haven’t done that in years. This evening I sat down and read your blog. My nails look fantastic!

    Thank you.
    Christine E.

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